I hate that I miss you when I shouldn't, even if all we've been was nothing but a quick burst of infatuation - a slight attraction, that made everything seem clear but only to have it fall dull and lose all color. You had potential. I thought I would be right this time.

Oh how wrong was I. So very wrong. And now it's too late. I refuse to stand by and watch as you place me in a box where you labeled me as such, when all my feelings for you were true and believable and yet you push me aside, judging me by my looks rather than my character, when all I thought of you was the world for your kindness, your generosity, the warmth you radiate, rather than the way your eyes crinkle up when you smile, or how your charm complements your strength.

You had me fooled. Here I now lay thinking of what went wrong - what is wrong with me - why can I never get somebody to love me?

But the newsflash that I'm so tired of hearing was there all along - it's simply because it isn't meant to be. And I am nothing more than just a girl - an unwanted girl wanting the attention of wrong men.

You had my attention. You had my love. 

Note from the Author: June 2017 edition

I'll be honest with you, I never gone ahead with what I said I would do. I never left.

See, I hold grudges. Like, really, really, really big grudges. But sometimes, nostalgia kicks in and everything gets thrown out the window.

I used to hate you, the person whom I thought of so highly - I still can't stand being in the same room with you sometimes, let alone within close sitting proximity - but I'm over it. I'm over the pain and silence I had to endure alone when I made my decision about you in the past.

I notice, though, that when I'm upset over something else entirely, I recall those funny memories we had. I think of you.

And it's strange - oh yes - very strange. I don't have feelings for you anymore. They all died out that one fateful day. If you doubt my word, I promise you, I really don't. I'm in love with someone else.

It's just that I think of you when I'm frustrated over the one I'm in love with. Correction - hopelessly in love with.

I'm so hopelessly in love with someone who is biochemically skeptic.

And I think of you and wonder: "What would you tell me to do?"

But we've both changed. We don't have that easy conversation anymore.

And it's sad.

At times, I do think it was my fault. I can't help but blame myself, over and over. But once the fog clears and I remember, I stand by my decision.

I did what I did because I was hurt, and I did had enough. Breaking ties was the hardest thing for me to do - it wasn't obvious at first because it was abrupt - but I now had to pay the price every day for the rest of my life.

The price for our freedom from each other was too high. I hope you know that.

So, if in any case you stumble upon this (though I doubt you will), I'm sorry. 

And so sometimes, we make decisions we cannot fathom why we made in the first place, until we realize there were reasons in the past that gave way to the present.

"The only people for me are the mad ones. The ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or sat a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars."
- Jack Kerouac

No you shut up :)

I hope we'll always be bored so we can spend the time saying what's on our minds.

Get out of my head.