Note from the Author: June 2017 edition

I'll be honest with you, I never gone ahead with what I said I would do. I never left.

See, I hold grudges. Like, really, really, really big grudges. But sometimes, nostalgia kicks in and everything gets thrown out the window.

I used to hate you, the person whom I thought of so highly - I still can't stand being in the same room with you sometimes, let alone within close sitting proximity - but I'm over it. I'm over the pain and silence I had to endure alone when I made my decision about you in the past.

I notice, though, that when I'm upset over something else entirely, I recall those funny memories we had. I think of you.

And it's strange - oh yes - very strange. I don't have feelings for you anymore. They all died out that one fateful day. If you doubt my word, I promise you, I really don't. I'm in love with someone else.

It's just that I think of you when I'm frustrated over the one I'm in love with. Correction - hopelessly in love with.

I'm so hopelessly in love with someone who is biochemically skeptic.

And I think of you and wonder: "What would you tell me to do?"

But we've both changed. We don't have that easy conversation anymore.

And it's sad.

At times, I do think it was my fault. I can't help but blame myself, over and over. But once the fog clears and I remember, I stand by my decision.

I did what I did because I was hurt, and I did had enough. Breaking ties was the hardest thing for me to do - it wasn't obvious at first because it was abrupt - but I now had to pay the price every day for the rest of my life.

The price for our freedom from each other was too high. I hope you know that.

So, if in any case you stumble upon this (though I doubt you will), I'm sorry.